Green Dot by Madeleine Gray

Author:Madeleine Gray [Madeleine Gray]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
Published: 2023-08-14T00:00:00+00:00

It is always easier to justify the dubious decisions we make to ourselves than to our friends. This is why we sometimes omit details when telling a story at brunch – we say that we slept with the guy, but we don’t mention he had a Southern Cross tattoo, for example. I have not been telling my friends about my relationship with Arthur because I fear their judgement, and because I know I won’t listen to their advice if it is advice I do not want to take. I don’t want to put any of us in that position.

But I can’t keep the truth from Soph and Sarah anymore. I’ve been careful to evade rather than outright lie, but they’ve guessed that something is up; they’ve noticed me mysteriously leaving events early with a hungry smirk on my face.

The Friday after the weekend of the Airbnb trip, the girls and I have planned a classic basic bitch evening. Our group chat for organising such nights is called ‘Jeans and a Nice Top’. We have different chats for different utilities – there’s ‘Call Me Maybe’ for all sex and love-related content. There’s ‘It’s A No From Me’ for bitching – discussion can be about anything from long voice notes to the prison industrial complex, it just has to be overwhelmingly negative. Sarah gets very tetchy when chat discussion does not fall within the specific chat remit. For tonight, we’ve decided on location: Soph’s place. Drink of choice: rosé. Mission: get shitfaced.

We three sit on Soph’s balcony, an elaborate cheeseboard balanced on a small table between us and bottles of wine in a cooler next to my feet, like soldiers ready to serve. The UE Boom blasts Caroline Polachek. We are in our element.

The chatter begins. Sarah reveals that she has started seeing someone new, an artist called Tess. She is gleefully relaying a tale of couples’ strap-on shopping – a beautiful hallmark of any fresh queer relationship.

‘And get this,’ exclaims Sarah, ‘before me, Tess had never used a double-sided dildo?? Like, what has she been doing??’

‘Not perforating her vag, maybe?’ Soph helpfully offers.

‘Very funny, Soph. But that’s actually homophobic.’ (Sarah and I believe that everything we take issue with is homophobic. Low-rise jeans? Homophobic. Post office lines? Homophobic.)

Sarah is happy. Anecdotes are spilling out of her with the ferocious speed of lust. Soph is encouraging the divulgence of sexy details, of course. And I am thrilled for Sarah, I am, but I am also jealous. She gets to start a romance and then just enjoy it, tell her friends about it, be gleeful. How fucking easy. And I know I’m being unfair, because obviously being in a queer relationship isn’t always easy, but my god, imagine if I could just invite Arthur over to join us right now.

I need to tell them. I will tell them. I will tell them that not only have I fallen for a man (embarrassing), but a married one at that.

Soph begins to talk about her ex, Reid.

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